


Waves

by larvitar



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, One Shot, lapis is depressed and mentally ill, rape parallels b ware, sort of a vent fic whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6109624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larvitar/pseuds/larvitar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was more than one reason Lapis loved the ocean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waves

Lapis tries to convince herself it's over. It is, but it doesn't feel like it.

She keeps  _feeling_ again. Like that. Awful, mangled. Oversensitive. Lapis can't find the words much anymore.

It's late, and everyone's asleep. The Crystal Gems went on a mission today. It probably had something to do with Jasper again. She had ran away and the gems had taken Lapis in, much to the discomfort of Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. Peridot and Steven seemed to be happy, though. Which was probably only what mattered. Probably.

They got home as the sun was in the middle of setting. It was a deep purple mixed with an orange. It reaches over the ocean, like it's grasping at the dark blue sky. Desperately.

It wasn't a success. Jasper wasn't in any of the locations they had traveled to. They get home, tired from running around the expanses of field, deserts, plains and what else. Lapis had sat in their beach home, waiting. Garnet and Amethyst returned to their rooms with a grunt. Pearl had tried her best to cheer them up ("I'm sure she just left before we could get to the location!"), but Pearl's bloody optimism didn't help. Peridot and Steven asked Lapis how she was. "Fine." Lapis had replied. It sounded sarcastic. She didn't mean it that way. Peridot fidgeted with her fingers as Steven expressed his support for Lapis and her "stunning" recovery.

Lapis wants to tell them to stop. Jasper can rot there for all Lapis cares. She doesn't have tech like Peridot had. No clues to her whereabouts. Lapis wants to shout at them and scream and tell them what Jasper's done, but she doesn't. She holds it in, somehow.

_Suffocating._ That's a word to describe it. Lapis was sure she was dead when Steven visited. And that she was hallucinating before death. Jasper had strained her limbs. There's still marks on her wrists. Amethyst tells her, quite pitifully, that she can shapeshift the marks away. Lapis replies coldly that she wants everyone to know.

Amethyst didn't talk to her much after that.

Lapis looks out at the ocean. It's not as wild as it was on that day. It's simmering, the tides are low. Lapis caresses her hands. She dips them in, then quickly pulls out.

It's bloody freezing.

Lapis knows what burn and freeze feel like. Indescribable. Terrible, awful feelings, that wash over your body and never end.

It's worse when there's both of them.

Surprisingly, they don't cancel out. It even feels like they go full blast. Lapis is surprised she hasn't retreated inside her gem, and is especially more surprised that her limbs haven't fallen off yet.

There are marks on her neck. Jasper had tried to strangle her. Too many times. She felt like she was dead after that. Until they came.

They shouldn't have. It only got worse.

Jasper tried to shatter her. Among other things. Grasping her gem with her meaty hands and trying to break it.

Her breathing's getting faster. Lapis tries to calm herself down. It doesn't work. She heaves and heaves. She feels like vomiting. (Steven informed her it was the humans' way of getting dangerous food out of their bodies.)

She screams and she can't stop. It's incoherent. All she knows is that she's screaming about her. She did this, the bloody monster. Jasper destroyed her.

She destroyed Lapis' dignity. She ruined Lapis.

How could she ever fuse again? Jasper ruined her. Contaminated her.

Lapis stares down at her hands. They're unrecognizable now.

Lapis swears she can see Malachite's hands before she passes out.

* * *

Lapis can't breathe still. She's in Steven's room. Peridot and Steven are at her bedside, as she's laying on Steven's bed. Lapis assumes the normal Crystal Fucks are out on a mission to find the brute again. Lapis swears she asks Steven. Steven nods. Lapis sighs and lets her head ease on the bed's pillow. Peridot, in an attempt to comfort her, puts her hand on her arm. Lapis instinctively pulls away. At least Peridot actually cares about her and isn't just throwing Lapis a pity party like those Crystal Fuckheads. Lapis mumbles a sorry. Peridot rambles on about how it's completely fine, Peridot understands, she's been through a lot too, and she's always here if Lapis needs to talk to her. Lapis nearly falls asleep during it. It's sort of cute, in a dumb way.

The Crystal Fucks come home. Steven tells them everything. They fuss over her, but it's so obviously fake. Lapis wants to die. 

She leaves the house. The waves are still there, waiting for her, eerily.

Lapis adjusts herself onto the ground. The sand is comfortable, and fixes itself to her body.

She massages the wet sand in front of her. It comes back. Lapis doesn't reject it anymore. The feelings. The memories.

In a soft murmur, Lapis mumbles;

"We're not Malachite anymore- I'm Lapis now."

Chills tumble down her spine.

She's getting better at this.


End file.
